I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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