i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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