i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
