A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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