I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
