she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
