my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
