Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
