why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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