i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
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no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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