Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
