I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
