I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
