I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
