you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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