I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
