Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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