I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
