im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
