It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
