eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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