Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
