this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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