The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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