May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
