Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
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You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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