I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
