The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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