Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
