I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Screwed.edu
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
