Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
