I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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