i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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