you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
