Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
