If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
