i'm lost and i look like a hooker
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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