dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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