I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
