im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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