It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
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its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
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She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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