I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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