How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
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First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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