i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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