Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
