it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
