Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
