At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
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