Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize