i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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