I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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