i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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