Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize