Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
