put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
