i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You made out with two different species that night
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
