Screwed.edu
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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