what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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