I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he quoted the bible to break up with me
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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