I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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