i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
