Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
