Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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