he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
