You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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