I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
