After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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