True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Your cock deserves a montage
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
