he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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