he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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