ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
