So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
