I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how hot balto sounded
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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