so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Randomize
