Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
