I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
