if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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